Relieving Yourself In The Face Of Solemnity

Lay down all thought

Surrender to the void
It is shining
It is shining
- John Lennon (Tomorrow Never Knows)

I used to believe that each day I knew all there ever was to know. The next day, I would learn a few more things and marvel at how stupid I was the day before. That's the way it is with life. Each day brings new possibilities, new hopes, new dreams and, of course, fresh concerns. Balancing the 'yings' and 'yangs' of our existence can leave us dumbfounded as we existentially grope around in our subconscious for our minds to hang our 'sense of being' and self-worth on.

For many, juggling the psychic apparatus of their various cognitive and psychological states is serious business, and good business for many institutions come circus barkers. It's really something to meditate on.

Nevertheless, I've never been much of a meditator. In fact, I'm much too full of myself for the practice and balk at any idealistic isms that preach self-nullification. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism, but for many years, I felt as if I was my own best friend. Alone with my thoughts which I could never really share, I'd entertain myself and find ways to make myself smile. I never heard voices in my head, though I would occasionally talk to myself.

That being said, I have read much about meditation. I've done the breathing and focus-defocus exercises always coming to realization that I was trying much too hard and therefore becoming a burden to my efforts. It's easy to distract yourself with your 'self' as your self can't help but get in the way. It's easy to miss the forest for the trees ... when you are a tree. And perhaps that's really the whole point of it ... to accept yourself for who you really are.

Honestly, if one was happy with oneself, why would one want to lose oneself in a crowd? If we are happy with who we are, then how could we not look in the mirror and smile? An exercise I do each day, sort of my own special daily affirmation, is too look in the bathroom and feign a constipated expression. It always cracks me up, and for a few seconds each day the stress of all that was and all that is yet to be shatter from the moment and fall to the ground.

So how do you distract yourself from distraction? Some would say by training yourself to get lost in the moment. This a far cry from suggesting we lose our minds. Even former vice-president Dan Quayle misquoted "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." I would wholeheartedly agree, if I knew he knew what he was talking about. Unfortunately, he doesn't ... or rather didn't, so the point is moot.

What I do know is that when we lower our guard, demand less and have fewer expectations we are more apt to really enjoy any given moment. I can't vouch for living fully in each moment, because that sounds a bit too wide-eyed and pollyanish for my taste. Sorry, but it's just not in my nature to prance or frolic. Still, I firmly believe that freeing yourself from the gravity of some moments seems doable.

Still, brazenly relieving yourself in the face of solemnity will most definitely ruffle the britches of the hand-writhing and hard-washing rank and file. Some will encourage we be all that we can be. Others will admonish us to lose all sense of independent existence. In both cases, these 'powers that be' surreptitiously suggest that we surrender ourselves, not so much to a void, but to their will. In marketing, this is known as the old 'switch and bait' ploy.

There are many who are seeking a spiritual state of mind. This is a mistake. It's our minds that get in the way of the manifestation of a spiritual state. I'd suggest it's easier to shoot for achieving a spiritual state of 'spirit'. Now defining spirituality is a matter for another post, but trust me I can can definitely propose the following advice: raise your spirits and your mind will follow.

--------------------------------
Suggested Reading:

Whose Shoes Are These? (An Introspective Question)

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss


Hang on for a second ...

An easy question to ask concerns how often you find yourself having to justify yourself to others. A harder question, and one I might suggest may be much more important, is how often you find 'others' having to justify themselves to you?

I just want to say ...

Do everyday conversations you have with others feel like losing battles 'you must' win? Does social banter take on the sensation that it's taking place with a fast-taking salesman on a used car lot? When speaking with others, are you simultaneously carrying on a conversation with that 'inner voice' talking in your head? Indeed, it often feels like there are so many questions and so little time. And, by the time you are ready to make your point, the conversation has already ended.

Let me just tell you something ...

For many, such situations are a daily phenomenon that ultimately lead to yet another blow to their self-esteem. Each daily interaction with others becomes a psychometric test of their self-worth, more often than not surrendering the same feeling of futility they have grown accustom to. Rather than questioning the value and certainty of the world around them, they seem hell-bent on devaluing themselves.

No. You've got it backwards, so let me explain ...

When the 'shoe is on the foot' in our lives, we tend to notice because something just doesn't feel right. In times of mental anguish, we seem to be hard-wired with a bit of genetic coding that runs a self-diagnostic sub-routine that checks for 'broken code'. Depending on the individual and his or her self-perception, this process of introspection usually yields one of two results. In some, a resounding “I'm OK” conclusion explodes in their consciousness, and life goes on. In others however, a form of overload manifests causing a cascading chain of self-destructive implosions rendering the individual … stifled. This latter individual, flogging himself as he moves to the side of the road, eventually breaks down into a quivering mass of self-questioning defeatism.

Can I get a word in edgewise?

When it's time to play the 'blame game', one's passiveness turns aggressive. The desire to throw the heavy yoke from one's back is a halfhearted and bitter affair. Shades of the 'garbage in, garbage out' mantra' are heard. “I'm having a hard time of late digging myself out of a hole I've dug for myself some years ago. You want to know why? Because my hole is really at the bottom of a much larger hole that was dug for me by others long ago.”

If you could just wait, please ...

Meanwhile they keep digging under the delusion that the answer to all their problems lies at the end of the deep and dark shaft they have hurled themselves into. They valiantly hope to find that what's upside down in their lives, may in fact become right side up at the end of their struggle. So, they keep digging and banging their heads on the walls around them as they sink lower and lower into the abyss.

Let me interject ...

Yes, some people think that their problems are sort of like the Earth. If they dig down far enough eventually they will find that what's down is up. Of course, this is a poor analogy because way before they reach 'China' they will invariably fry themselves silly in our planet's molten core (13000°F). Yes, people like this tend to miss the big picture, and it's the 'little things' they miss that ultimately will be their undoing. Coincidentally, did you hear about the man who tried to walk around the world? He drowned.

Can I just finish, please?

Sometimes, being able to see the 'big picture' simply means viewing it from another angle, and yes it is generally true that there are many angles to all things in life. While we can't turn our heads completely around, we can at least 'turn the other cheek' especially in regard to ourselves. To be honest, even a 90 or 180 degree turn may be all that's needed to give ourselves a different spin on things. But first, we need to remove the blinders we have grown so comfortable wearing, especially if we want to catch the 'first ray of the new rising sun' in our lives.

Let's cut to the chase ...

Yes, the sun can shine out your ass, too. However, first you must learn to embrace and love yourself. Put an end to all the self-questioning and self-doubting you humiliate yourself with. Accept yourself for who you are and stop seeking justification from within, and especially from others. In fact, if you find others having to justify themselves to you, I'd argue that's probably a good thing. Indeed, the shoe IS on the other foot. Wear it proudly.

Suggested Reading:


Suggested Listening:

Lie To Me! Fabrications, Fables, Fairy Tales And Fibs

"He gives speeches, but they put him back in bed where he wrote his satire."

- Brian Wilson, 'He Gives Speeches' (original lyrics)

I think it was in kindergarten when I remember being told the story of little George "I cannot tell a lie" Washington and the cherry tree he confessed to his father he had chopped down. Through this vignette, my classmates and I were admonished to always tell the truth. The only problem was that often told tale ... is a lie, a fabricated fable of fibbing fiction. It was actually created by biographer, Mason Locke Weems, as an anecdote laudable to Washington's character and as an "exemplary to his countrymen". Nevertheless, this fractured fairy tale is almost as hallowed as the national anthem.

When I was 2 years old, the US Congress passed the 'Gulf of Tonkin Resolution' granting President Johnson the wanton power to take military action as he saw fit in Southeast Asia, ostensibly to combat the spread of communist aggression. The passage of the resolution, enabling Johnson to launch America full-tilt into the Vietnam war, was predicated on a fabricated set of events suggesting that American naval vessels had come under unprovoked attack by the North Vietnamese.

When I first heard the above tale, I remember being skeptical. I'm not sure why my 'bullshit detector' went off that day. Perhaps it was the result of a burgeoning character flaw or a latent psychic ability to perceive the teacher's own insincerity in her own overly dramatic rendition of the fable. Some might say that my lack of gullibility at that tender age speaks volumes of my character or my perception of ethics. And, indeed early on I began to question my moral constitution. In retrospect, I was 'looney' to do so.

When I was 3 years old, my sister told me about a cow that jumped over the moon. My grandmother, whose stock reply to most things was "tell it to Sweeney", later cracked that the moon was made of cheese.

As a society, we seem to be obsessed with lies. Parents spend eons of time drilling the words “don't lie to me” and “be honest!” into their children's heads. Fairy tales and fables regularly espouse 'golden rules' and long-winded speeches on ethics. Yet, we allow 'big business' concerns to lie to us on a regular basis under the pretenses of marketing. Similarly, I don't think patriotism has anything to do with our accepting that some politicians and lawyers actually lie for a living. Incredibly, the 'powers that be' of government even enact laws of impunity, pardoning such actions under the guise of national security. Yes, it's a bitter pill to swallow, but one that's administered every day.

When I was 4 years old I remember my pediatrician telling me he had to look in my ear to see if there was a puppy or elephant hiding in there. A moment later, brandishing a hypodermic needle about two feet long, he dismissed my fears by telling me, “this won't hurt”.

Teachers lie to us, transmitting historical revisionism with out a thought, and in many cases without knowledge of the fabricated fiction they force feed us. After all, if it's written in the history books ... well then it's must be accurate. The truth is that we know the truth, but we dismiss it anyway, waving it away like a cloud of smoke.

When I was 5 years old, Lucky Strike cigarettes launched an ad claiming that 20,679 physicians suggest that 'Luckies' are 'less irritating' than other brands, and that the 'coffin nails' represent “your Throat Protection against irritation and against cough”.

Hollywood films makes us believe that which is unbelievable, and we love it. In fact, we expect movies to defy our expectations in this respect. Ask George Lucas, who replaced "Muppet" Yoda with 'computer generated image (CGI)' Yoda.

When I was 6 years old, I convinced my first grade teacher that I could speak Chinese. I did so by counting to 10 in mono-syllabic utterances that sounded more like 'Klingonese' than anything Asian oriented. She was so impressed she fawned over my abilities in my mother's presence at their first parent-teacher meeting. My mother, nonplussed, rebutted the claim forthwith. Upon returning home, she asked me why I had lied to my teacher. I responded by asking her if she spoke Chinese.

Scientists are still working on revising the absolute laws of physics, given what we now know or don't know about sub-atomic particles and quantum theory. Nevertheless, schoolchildren are still taught that said laws are absolute.

When I was 7 years old, the Nixon administration dramatically increased funding for the voluntary sterilization of low-income Americans, statistically represented by Americans of color. In light of the 'Family Planning Services and Population Research Act', government funded sterilization programs organized at the behest of the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare (HEW) were accelerated. With respects to Native Americans, it is later revealed via anecdotal evidence that procedures are carried out on patients who were often misinformed of said procedures.

It seems the hardest thing we can do sometimes is be honest with ourselves. You'd think we'd have some inner defense mechanism that prevents us from psychologically pulling the wool over own eyes, but we obviously don't. Many seeking the "truth" of their existence and their shortcomings are easily led astray by nefarious types offering reams of rhetoric and who offer salvation in exchange for blind faith and allegiance.

When I was 8 years old, I kind of figured out that the tooth fairy didn't exist. The handwriting on the encouraging notes she left under my pillow was just too close to my mother's. I recognized it from those notes I had to take to school explaining my frequent absences.

We embrace the concept of 'sometimes its better not to tell the truth' when it's convenient. When faced with adversity we justify, rationalize and defend our actions, regardless of whether we were selfless or self-serving when acting either in our own or in others' regard. Claims of moral ineptitude fall on our defiant deaf ears.

When I was 9 years old, the Watergate scandal exploded. Journalists everywhere feigned a 'holier than thou' attitude. Nevertheless, the news media regularly bends the truth in the name of gaining ratings. Of course, the media doesn't lie, so much as it just withholds the truth. No comment needed.

We really are our own worst enemies. It's ironic how we take take perverse pleasure in watching the witty con-artist shake down his mark, unless the mark is us ... which is exactly what we tend to be when we're desperate and willing to believe anything or anybody, especially those we hold dear.

When I was 10 years old, I convinced myself, that the religious life my family began to live didn't suck. It did, but still I went on convincing myself for another 15 odd years … very odd indeed.

Nevertheless, rather than putting faith in ourselves we're asked to put our faith in science, religion, government and in others. Question the ethics of these purveyors of 'the truth' and you get self-righteous indignation. Indeed, as any schoolchild will tell you, "he who denied it, supplied it."

Suggested Reading:

  

Suggested Listening:

Trackbacks / Pingbacks / Links:

http://encyclopedia.jrank.org/articles/pages/6242/Forced-Sterilization-of-Native-Americans.html#ixzz1X74GZrFI
http://civilliberty.about.com/od/gendersexuality/tp/Forced-Sterilization-History.htm
http://encyclopedia.jrank.org/articles/pages/6242/Forced-Sterilization-of-Native-Americans.html
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~cap/gw/gwmoral.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulf_of_Tonkin_incident

We Come In Peace: How About An Anal Probe?

Okay, you guys, this joke has gone far enough! There were no aliens! They didn't give me an anal probe and they can't control my mind!

- Cartman (South Park)

In this crazy mixed up galaxy, it's hard to know who's who, what's what and what THEY want. Of course, THEY can say the same, but the universal consensus apparently suggests that we are not the same. To be honest, we're not really sure who THEY are or if they even exist, but many folks are real nervous just the same.

There's been some discussion concerning a recent study that reviewed a number scenarios depicting the nature of contact with alien life forms, in other words, extra-terrestrials. The study basically assesses a variety of science fiction themes to reach some conclusion over what contact with extra-terrestrials might reap, and whether or not this is something we might actively want to be pursuing. Word making the rounds is that our ultimate fate may be decided by our galactic neighbors, possibly in the name of 'keeping the neighborhood safe'.

Ok, so everyone wants to know who or what might be lurking out there in the great galactic void, and of course, what their intentions are. According to the study, a review of science fiction themes reveals the following scenarios:

• Galactic Bullies: These types want our 'shit', be it our planet's natural resources, ourselves in the form of slave labor or just our physical location in time and space, as suggested in the classic The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in which Earth is to be destroyed due to the expansion of a “a hyperspace bypass”. Yes, humanity has less intrinsic value than interstellar infrastructure.

• Join The Galactic Club: Anyone who has ever watched Star Trek knows abut 'the Federation of Planets', a sort of utopian 'NATO' of species, all working for the common good. They learn from us, we learn from them, and everyone holds hand while singing “Joy To The World” and hugging trees.

• You've Got Cooties: This scenario basically suggests that the intelligent life that thrives amongst the stars basically just wants to stay out of our way and keep its distance. This could stem from the fact that we are too barbaric in nature, or perhaps because we have no respect for our environment ... or simply because some of us really think Sarah Palin should be President.

Sarah Palin For President

The study concludes that we really don't know what route contact with aliens may take, because we just don't know too much about extra-terrestrial species. Basically, it offers that nothing from nothing reaps nothing … but we should be careful anyway, and not assume one way or the other. In other words: more research is needed.

I find it interesting that our search for what lies 'out there' always begins with a look within ourselves. Given the eccentric and egocentric nature of the human psyche, I'm not sure if this always a good idea. Moreover, a fundamental flaw of the above mentioned study is that it makes no mention of Star Wars or Battlestar Galactica … but that's another issue.

Early science fiction often applied humanoid features to visitors from outer space. No one could really fathom an extra-terrestrial that looked like a turnip or a licorice whip. Similarly, the tenements of Judea-Christian religions suggest that the nature of God is non-corporeal and possessing of ways beyond our comprehension. Dogma suggests that we need take a blind leap of faith when it comes to doing the Lord's work. Nevertheless, despite this caveat, our belief structure continues to cling to the notion that God created man in 'his' image. Logic would dictate that the Klingons, deferring to their own religious beliefs, might beg to differ. Ah, but then logic was never our strong point, was it? I think Mr. Spock would concur … but then again he was half-human, wasn't he?

Certainly contact with an extra-terrestrial species, or a galactic club of life forms, would indelibly leave its mark on our collective 'state of being' yielding a plethora of spiritual, physical, psychological disconnects. It would definitely 'blow our minds'. Still, we all have expectations of what a 'Close Encounter of the 3^rd Kind' may present. Conjecture runs rampant. Some have grand visions, others have delusions of grandeur … others still are worried about an anal probe. Regardless, should such an event occur, I think we need to rethink our thinking.

Relatedly, a theme in some of my posts concerns defying the expectations of others and, of course ourselves. I think there's a connection here to be made in the sense that we need to be more open minded when considering possible contact with 'visitors'. They may not necessarily come in peace or in war … they may simply come for the food. Moreover, not everything in life revolves around anal probes or inter-species breeding. 'E.T.' may simply want try a chicken and ribs combo.

We are basically social creatures, and curious ones at that. We dream about voyages to “seek out new life and new civilizations”. We also have a daredevil penchant “to go where no man has gone before”. Still, it is often said that 'curiosity killed the cat'. In this vein, since we really don't know the nature of any other galactic beast, other than ourselves, I'd suggest it's one thing to contemplate contact with alien life who happen about our planet, but it's another to consider beginning a marketing campaign.

In the early 70s, a Canadian progressive rock group called 'Klaatu' formed, naming themselves after the alien protagonist in the film The Day The Earth Stood Still. In 1976, they released a neat and nifty song called "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft". The songs suggests the declaration of a 'World Contact Day' in which humans would collectively communicate a telepathic the message to all possible extra-terrestrials that “we are your friends”. I often marveled at such a wonderful concept fostering the idea that humanity could be united in such a common goal. Nevertheless, the prolific message of this song was lost on the public who were more concerned at that time with trying to confirm rumors that the  musicians were actually the Beatles reformed and recording under a pseudonym. Alas, I have no doubt that should an emissary from another planet arrive, some fool would jump from our welcoming committee to ask if Elvis were alive and living on Uranus!

Since we are obviously a threat to our selves, we are certainly a threat to others. In this sense, some suggest we should 'keep a low profile' and not overly advertise our presence in the cosmos. It's been suggested that programs such as METI (Messaging to Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) that aim to actively contact intelligent aliens may yield less than stellar results. This example of 'nervous Nelly' thinking may have some merit amongst those with clenched butt cheeks. Still, I like to think that throwing caution to the wind is the only way we may be someday be able to overcome the “the Great Silence in the Universe”. After all, isn't that the nature of social networking platforms like Facebook and MySpace? So indeed, I say we should say "hey!" and let our presence known! Lord knows, I could use a few more followers on my Twitter account.

----------------

PS. Thanks for reading. Are you nervous at the prospects of contact with alien species? Do you think such beings would be benevolent or malevolent? Do you think we should sending greetings into outerspace, or are you more concerned that Sarah Palin might jump into the US presidential race? Let me know by commenting below.

Suggested Reading:




Suggested Listening:




Links / Reference / Trackbacks / Pingbacks:
http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification
http://flickr.com/photos/91351004@N00/1300319055
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Klingon_female_model.jpg
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Alien.png

It's Me! Really! (and other notions of authenticity)

Hang on to your ego
Hang on, but I know that you're gonna lose the fight
- Brain Wilson

I've come to the conclusion that everyone 'needs help'. Of course, this last statement can be taken in a number ways. Be that as it may, my focus in this post ... the point I'd like to make ... the crux of the issue is that there are many people out there, and bloggers in particular, that are desperately trying very hard to be themselves, but just can't fake it.

That's right, I said 'fake it'. It seems a running topic on several blogs I've come across is 'authenticity' and its definition or application, assuming there is such a thing. I imagine this is a big issue because so much of our society's feeble mindedness stems from the media 'selling' us almost everything. As a consequence, consumers, assuming there really is such a thing anymore, have become naturally distrustful in an effort to mask thier gullability and penchant for 'rubber necking'.

For many, there is a war on. Some are trying very hard to simply be themselves, despite the fact that they are often met with quizzical faces or outright apathy. Then, there are others who yearn to evolve and embrace 'real' change in their lives. Telling the latter to 'just be yourself' may very well represent an affront to their sensitivities. The rest of combatants in this war, and most likely the clear majority, are those who are very busy lobbing advice telling everyone else what they should be, what they should think, how they should act, and of course, what they should buy. These purveyors of expectations often begin their assault with the words “I'll be honest with you...”, also implying that normally they would be less than ingenuous. Critical thinkers take note!

But I just want to be myself.....

So what is authenticity? Without waxing too poetic, I'd suggest that it is an attribute that can only exist in the eye of the beholder. It really has nothing to do with 'you being you'. So my advice is stop trying so hard. In fact, many would suggest if you have to try so hard at being something, you probably aren't in the first place. As I've said many times before concerning 'defying expectations', I think it's more important we get on with life than spend so much time worrying about 'what others think'.

Being 'you' should come naturally, if you don't engage in acts of self-censorship and self-repression, or cowtow to the whims and expectations of others. The words of Dr. Seuss still ring true, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Lastly, if and when you are met with bogus claims of your being two-faced, it would be wise to remember the words of Abraham Lincoln who respsonded “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

--------------------------------------------
PS. Thanks for reading. Are you worried about who you are and how others perceives you ... or are you just really into yourself? Let me know by commenting below.


Blogs that inspired this post:

Brian Clark / Copyblogger: Why People Don’t Want the“Real” You
Todd Pillars: Why the talk about being Authentic all of a sudden?

Suggested Reading:

    


Suggested Listening:

Better A Living Dog Than A Dead Lion

Acting is the expression of a neurotic impulse. It's a bum's life. Quitting acting, that's the sign of maturity. - Marlon Brando

Preface:
The following is not a conversation. It is an introspective monologue with accompanying commentary, perhaps spoken by a chorus, a collective I'll call 'Rael'. If you can figure out who the 'Id' is, you'll understand at least half the story.

They say that discretion is the better part of valor. They also say that “the discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression (Proverbs 19:11). Actually, they say a lot of things, but these days, I try hard not to listen anymore, and in the end, I'm glad that I have forgotten probably more than I ever knew.

Id:
Once upon a time there was me. Some years later I was taken away from whom I was in order to live a life I did not choose, or want.

Rael:
Choice is an illusion. Your path was chosen for you long before you were even born. In fact, it's in your blood to be who you are supposed to be. As far as 'wants' are concerned, you need not want for anything, for wants will be your downfall.

Id:
In fact, it was less a life, and more an existence. I say 'existence' in that I was existing, but it really wasn't a life, at least not the one I had previously imagined for myself.

Rael:
Children have limited capacities to understand the true meaning of life or to understand responsibility, which is why they are exempt from keeping the commandments. Children are easily led astray and must therefore be educated in all things proper.

Id:
When I was young, I was very self aware of the world around me. I had a very clear definition of who I was and what was important to me. I was very in tune to the world around me, and I don't mean my immediate surroundings, I mean current affairs, social issues, and even to a certain extent various ideologies of the times, some of which I embraced. I was very fascinated by TV. It was a conduit to all that makes us human in terms of art, culture, and knowledge. It was also something around which our family would gather and to some extent bond.

Rael:
TV is the 'idiot box'. It is a sewer pipe into your home, bringing a cesspool of filth and perversity, all the devil's work, to corrupt your soul and deviate you from your divine providence and purpose.

Id:
It's easy to say television can be a bad influence on children, but I don't, and didn't perceive it as such. I watched things that made me smile, think and become more aware of myself and others. If anything I'd say that television was a school of sorts, bringing me an education that the traditional institutions of academia failed miserably at providing me with.

Rael:
All the knowledge you ever need is written in the scriptures.

Id:
From television I learned to dream of what I may be and what life might hold for me. It opened my eyes to possibilities beyond my front and back yards. The world, and even to some extent space and time, opened up before me with the promise that one day I might blaze a trail to distant lands and learn of different cultures.

Rael:
Your destiny is not fulfilled in the company of strangers. Stay in your own backyard.

Id:
Now at the time, my family was not religious. If anything, we were conservative, and I had no particular bones with my heritage that I had been told was a part of me ... and of who I was.

Rael:
There is no black and white in religion. Either you are orthodox or you are a sinner. There are no gray areas. Moreover, the reformed and conservative are worse off than the ignorant, for they know there is a true path, and they deny it. They willfully transgress the word of the law. I would sooner visit the church of another nation than a temple of conservatism or reformism, dens of iniquity such as they are.

Id:
As soon as I went to school and learned to read, I began reading the newspaper, daily. I began to understand that American society was in a state of flux. I understood what a non-conformist was, as well as a conscientious objector. I identified with the tenements of counter culture and anti-establishment movements, though I didn't fully appreciate what the establishment actually was. From the cancellation of the Smothers Brothers comedy hour, I learned of censorship movements and was repulsed, that such things existed in America, the 'land of the free'.

Rael:
Pray for the integrity of the government; for were it not for the fear of its authority, a man would swallow his neighbor alive.

Id:
There was very little I learned in school, except how to read and to do basic math. My parents sent me to a private school. Little did I know that the school's establishment came on the heels of the passing of desegregation laws in Miami (Dade County, Florida), and the threat of 'busing'. I didn’t put these piecse together until later, but basically my family's jump to orthodoxy was motivated in part by fear and Southern racist motivations.

Rael:
One has to go out of one's way, if need be, to circumvent houses of ill repute. If you play with dirt, you get dirty.

Id:
I learned of the plight of the American Indian, and immediately stopped playing 'Cowboys and Indians'. Instead, I dreamed of eloping with a Native American Princess. The concept of 'love' was something that had dawned on me very early. The sentiments of the 'flower children' that were so pervasively paraded and often lampooned in the mainstream media had impacted me in such a way that I yearned to 'make love' and not war … and I hadn't even hit puberty, yet!

Rael:
In your rebellion and abrogation of your blood, you allow others to lead you astray to engage in acts of abomination, or worse, idol worship. Do not be a willing participant in what is tantamount to a second silent holocaust.

Id:
I didn't know what the conflict in Vietnam was all about exactly, but I saw it on the news. I read the headlines in the newspapers and saw ink smudged pictures in which you couldn't tell corpse from foliage. I knew that young men were dying there. I knew that people, older than me, but younger than most, objected. I thought the draft was wrong. I could not fathom one fighting for ones country, but by the same token I understood that many did. I fathomed the rift in my county's demographics.

Rael:
Correction: the country of your birth. You owe no allegiance to this foreign land. The holy land of our people's forefathers beckons you still. Perhaps someday, when you return to your faith and you will emigrate there, like many before you have done. The political and social affairs of the rest of the world are of no matter to you.

Id:
But still, as fascinated as I was with the world outside my homestead, there was a much deeper calling that beckoned me, resonating throughout every fiber of my existence. A gift from a muse perhaps, or a life force emanating from the beating of my heart. A rhythmic art form of melody and harmony, tempo and texture. Truly a medium of more than just sound and silence, but rather a purveyor of consciousness, a facilitator of perception, and a means of communication. Music is and has always been something as elemental to me as water and air. For as long as I can remember, my ears were glued to a portable transistor radio. I remember aspiring to be a Beatle, or at least a Monkee.

Rael:
Manna stems from the heavens, not from the radio. Moreover, music is an expression of its composer's soul, and listening to it puts you in touch with that person's essence. Music is a medium that allows the composer's thoughts, feelings, and emotions to affect you … to touch you. When the music stems from unholy sources, it does more than simply touch you, it defiles your soul and pollutes your mind and spirit.

Id:
I don't know how young I was before I knew I wanted to play music, write songs and lyrics, and bring them to others' ears.

Rael:
Who are you to write music and speak to others? The creation of music is reserved for the pious and holy from whose writings and studies gave life to songs that inspire others to divine service. Hold your tongue and repress your foolish worldly notions. You are no one, as insignificant as a speck of dust from whence you sprang and will one day return.

Id:
Music also was an escape for me. The music of my youth was indicative of a period in my life when I was the happiest. As I grew, and my life was abducted and shackled, music would always take me back home. It is no wonder Simon & Garfunkel's 'Homeward Bound' always resonated deeply within me. After all, it was the second 45' record I had owned; the first being Johnny Cash's 'I Walk The Line'.

Rael:
You have but one savior. All else takes you away from your divine purpose, which is to serve him.

Id:
Anyway, as the liberal and dynamic sentiments, notions, and impression of the 60s mutated to those of the conservative and self-centered 70s, I too changed. I began to look to the future, and wonder what my future might be, who I was and what I might become.

Rael:
What you consider 'you' to be is what separates you from divinity. Enlightenment through self-nullification is the path to righteousness and piety. It is the devil that feeds your ego. 'You' do not matter in the total scheme of things. Walking in the ways of our teachings and heritage is the only path. 'You' are nothing and should desire only to make yourself nothing in order to serve with all your being.

Id:
Change was less than gradual. My world transmogrified into a prison of faux existence. I was not asked, I was told and expected to follow. My good nature was taken advantage of. Blind faith was demanded as a life was stolen. A yoke was placed around my hopes, dreams, aspirations, mind, … and very identity. Instead of reason, there was oppression. Instead of spirit, there was doctrine. Instead of love there was guilt and irrational torment. Instead of ethics there was a higher power... or at least interpreters of his will. Don't touch your 'pee pee' or you'll go blind.

Rael:
It is not your place to question your lot in life. Like Job, and others before him, you were being tested. You failed spectacularly.

Id:
I wasn't a rebel. I was an artist. Perhaps at times a minstrel or court jester. I was a lover, not a fighter … and thus I allowed myself to go with the flow. I did not speak up, but rather feigned obedience and took the role of the wheel that did not squeak. Oil did not follow. Instead, I was driven through crap … that took me many years to finally scrape off the bottom of my shoe. It soiled me in ways I still cannot come to terms with or forgive myself for.

Rael:
Repentance is always an option. Otherwise … you're going to hell.

Id:
No, I've already been there.

 ----------------------
PS. Thanks for reading.  Have you ever had a crisis of faith, or is your faith your crisis? It's no wonder I always say, "I used to be religious, but now I'm just happy".

Suggested Reading:

    

Suggested Listening: