We Come In Peace: How About An Anal Probe?

Okay, you guys, this joke has gone far enough! There were no aliens! They didn't give me an anal probe and they can't control my mind!

- Cartman (South Park)

In this crazy mixed up galaxy, it's hard to know who's who, what's what and what THEY want. Of course, THEY can say the same, but the universal consensus apparently suggests that we are not the same. To be honest, we're not really sure who THEY are or if they even exist, but many folks are real nervous just the same.

There's been some discussion concerning a recent study that reviewed a number scenarios depicting the nature of contact with alien life forms, in other words, extra-terrestrials. The study basically assesses a variety of science fiction themes to reach some conclusion over what contact with extra-terrestrials might reap, and whether or not this is something we might actively want to be pursuing. Word making the rounds is that our ultimate fate may be decided by our galactic neighbors, possibly in the name of 'keeping the neighborhood safe'.

Ok, so everyone wants to know who or what might be lurking out there in the great galactic void, and of course, what their intentions are. According to the study, a review of science fiction themes reveals the following scenarios:

• Galactic Bullies: These types want our 'shit', be it our planet's natural resources, ourselves in the form of slave labor or just our physical location in time and space, as suggested in the classic The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in which Earth is to be destroyed due to the expansion of a “a hyperspace bypass”. Yes, humanity has less intrinsic value than interstellar infrastructure.

• Join The Galactic Club: Anyone who has ever watched Star Trek knows abut 'the Federation of Planets', a sort of utopian 'NATO' of species, all working for the common good. They learn from us, we learn from them, and everyone holds hand while singing “Joy To The World” and hugging trees.

• You've Got Cooties: This scenario basically suggests that the intelligent life that thrives amongst the stars basically just wants to stay out of our way and keep its distance. This could stem from the fact that we are too barbaric in nature, or perhaps because we have no respect for our environment ... or simply because some of us really think Sarah Palin should be President.

Sarah Palin For President

The study concludes that we really don't know what route contact with aliens may take, because we just don't know too much about extra-terrestrial species. Basically, it offers that nothing from nothing reaps nothing … but we should be careful anyway, and not assume one way or the other. In other words: more research is needed.

I find it interesting that our search for what lies 'out there' always begins with a look within ourselves. Given the eccentric and egocentric nature of the human psyche, I'm not sure if this always a good idea. Moreover, a fundamental flaw of the above mentioned study is that it makes no mention of Star Wars or Battlestar Galactica … but that's another issue.

Early science fiction often applied humanoid features to visitors from outer space. No one could really fathom an extra-terrestrial that looked like a turnip or a licorice whip. Similarly, the tenements of Judea-Christian religions suggest that the nature of God is non-corporeal and possessing of ways beyond our comprehension. Dogma suggests that we need take a blind leap of faith when it comes to doing the Lord's work. Nevertheless, despite this caveat, our belief structure continues to cling to the notion that God created man in 'his' image. Logic would dictate that the Klingons, deferring to their own religious beliefs, might beg to differ. Ah, but then logic was never our strong point, was it? I think Mr. Spock would concur … but then again he was half-human, wasn't he?

Certainly contact with an extra-terrestrial species, or a galactic club of life forms, would indelibly leave its mark on our collective 'state of being' yielding a plethora of spiritual, physical, psychological disconnects. It would definitely 'blow our minds'. Still, we all have expectations of what a 'Close Encounter of the 3^rd Kind' may present. Conjecture runs rampant. Some have grand visions, others have delusions of grandeur … others still are worried about an anal probe. Regardless, should such an event occur, I think we need to rethink our thinking.

Relatedly, a theme in some of my posts concerns defying the expectations of others and, of course ourselves. I think there's a connection here to be made in the sense that we need to be more open minded when considering possible contact with 'visitors'. They may not necessarily come in peace or in war … they may simply come for the food. Moreover, not everything in life revolves around anal probes or inter-species breeding. 'E.T.' may simply want try a chicken and ribs combo.

We are basically social creatures, and curious ones at that. We dream about voyages to “seek out new life and new civilizations”. We also have a daredevil penchant “to go where no man has gone before”. Still, it is often said that 'curiosity killed the cat'. In this vein, since we really don't know the nature of any other galactic beast, other than ourselves, I'd suggest it's one thing to contemplate contact with alien life who happen about our planet, but it's another to consider beginning a marketing campaign.

In the early 70s, a Canadian progressive rock group called 'Klaatu' formed, naming themselves after the alien protagonist in the film The Day The Earth Stood Still. In 1976, they released a neat and nifty song called "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft". The songs suggests the declaration of a 'World Contact Day' in which humans would collectively communicate a telepathic the message to all possible extra-terrestrials that “we are your friends”. I often marveled at such a wonderful concept fostering the idea that humanity could be united in such a common goal. Nevertheless, the prolific message of this song was lost on the public who were more concerned at that time with trying to confirm rumors that the  musicians were actually the Beatles reformed and recording under a pseudonym. Alas, I have no doubt that should an emissary from another planet arrive, some fool would jump from our welcoming committee to ask if Elvis were alive and living on Uranus!

Since we are obviously a threat to our selves, we are certainly a threat to others. In this sense, some suggest we should 'keep a low profile' and not overly advertise our presence in the cosmos. It's been suggested that programs such as METI (Messaging to Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) that aim to actively contact intelligent aliens may yield less than stellar results. This example of 'nervous Nelly' thinking may have some merit amongst those with clenched butt cheeks. Still, I like to think that throwing caution to the wind is the only way we may be someday be able to overcome the “the Great Silence in the Universe”. After all, isn't that the nature of social networking platforms like Facebook and MySpace? So indeed, I say we should say "hey!" and let our presence known! Lord knows, I could use a few more followers on my Twitter account.

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PS. Thanks for reading. Are you nervous at the prospects of contact with alien species? Do you think such beings would be benevolent or malevolent? Do you think we should sending greetings into outerspace, or are you more concerned that Sarah Palin might jump into the US presidential race? Let me know by commenting below.

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Links / Reference / Trackbacks / Pingbacks:
http://paleblueblog.org/post/9110304050/some-important-points-of-clarification
http://flickr.com/photos/91351004@N00/1300319055
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Klingon_female_model.jpg
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Alien.png

Multidimensional Multitasking For Multifaceted Malcontents

"Write without pay until somebody offers to pay"
- Mark Twain

Preamble:

These days, I'm in the middle of a big project. Well, more specifically, it's several projects that are all interrelated. OK, actually I'll be honest, the the only thing these projects have in common is that they are blog related and part of my overall scheme to see some profit from blogging in a 'professional' and very focused manner. Sounds good except for one problem: my creativity does not afford my mind the luxury of being able to 'stay the course' and focus on one thing at a time.

Regardless of the above, a wise man, expert in the ways of blogging, told me to focus on 1 thing at a time. He suggested I give 100% of my effort and attention to one blog, as opposed to 20% of my energy to 5 different projects. Easily enough said, and of course in all my born years I’ve heard that many times over. In fact, you’d think that by now, I'd know better. Apparently not! Yet, I do believe I have 'just cause' for dismissing such well-intentioned advice. Let me explain:

Ramble:

I have an active mind. Sometimes too overactive for my own good! I get 'ideas' for topics to write about that don't just 'occur to me', they actually possess me to spill them out into the corporeal world. Some of these ideas are silly, others are rational, sane and professional oriented. On this blog for example, I like to mix psychology with surrealism, health and neurosis, current affairs with the absurd, humanism with chaos theory, and Woody Allen with Henry Miller. On another blog I have, I write as an EFL teacher trainer. I  dispense humanistic advice, tips and tricks for the personal and professional development of language teachers. On yet another blog, I offer blogging advice to would be bloggers, albeit with a fair amount of self-deprecating humor. On still another blog … well, let's just say, I'm not me.

These blogs, like the music I write, are all extensions of my creativity. And, being creative not only means allowing ones thoughts to dictate ones 'art' but also refraining from self-censorship and self-repression. Regardless of whether I have an idea for integrating cross-curricular teaching approaches with critical thinking skills (pregnant pause) or free associating Sarah Palin with Genghis Khan and a power-tool, I most certainly do take full poetic license in expressing myself and revel in exercising my freedom of speech. I consider that engaging in self-censorship and conforming my thoughts and expression to meet the expectations of others is pretty much nihilistic.

Bearing this mind, you can understand why I need various outlets for my creativity, ideas, notions, ramblings, rants, and so forth. There is a place for everything, even brain-fart musings. However, since I'm not only interested in speaking, but also being heard, and hopefully commented to, having several 'store fronts', if you will, also helps foster discussion. Having different channels of communication makes it easier for people to practice their freedom of choice in at least a semi-coherent fashion.

For example, if you want to read about developing 'second language reading skills' at proficiency level, I doubt you'd also be interested in Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or pseudo-intellectual babble about 'Dr. Boudreaux Butt-Paste'. You would prefer a steady stream of targeted programming. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this is why we, as a society, created cable-television; 'Battlestar Galactica' and 'Dancing With The Stars' just don't work back to back. Know what I mean? I think you do.

Off-Road Digressive Rambling:

That being said, there is always the danger of going to extremes. In this respect, I'm not sure why so many are hell-bent on pigeon-holding everything and everyone they come into contact with. It's almost as if there's a certain insecurity many possess due to their not having control over all they experience in life.

One possible consequence of this is our society's systems of education. Today, possibly for nefarious commercial reasons, we preach to children that specialists are more valued than well-rounded individuals. Students desiring to major in 'Liberal Arts' are branded 'under-achievers' or 'artsy fartsy wooly types'. Psychology majors must be able to fit very neatly into one of the thousands of splinter disciplines for licensing purposes. Mental health counselors must not practice family counseling, etc. It's no wonder I know several people with doctorate degrees who work at Starbucks and Pizza Hut!

As a person, I'm multitalented and multiskilled. And, I am so because I have many different interests and have pursued those interests. I'm certainly not a one dimensional person. I doubt that many people are. And, as such there is no reason to assume that that my writing or writing/creative projects would not be multidimensional, as well.

Moreover, in my working experience, I've yet to find one talent or skill set that I possess that I've really been able to make a 'go' of and to enable me to bring home some significant 'bacon'. Over the years, I've kept my 'head above the water' to some extent (translation: barely) by being able to apply my different skills and talents to a variety of occupations, projects, opportunities, etc. For better or worse, that's the way it's been. It's not what I planned on, but it is what it is.

Epilogue (Post Ramble):

Having written all of the above, I must confess I have a certain melancholy feeling. Tripping your way through life is hard enough without others stepping on your toes and commenting in kind. While on one hand I'm happy with who I am, but on the other hand I am unhappy with my life's circumstances. I'm left to wonder who I am, where I came from, and most importantly where I might be going. Actually, it sounds like the status qou of just another ordinary day in the life of (fill-in the blank here). Crap! Now I'm thoroughly depressed. Anyone know any good Sarah Palin jokes, you know, just for the 'lulz'?

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PS: Thanks for reading! By the way, another man, also wise in the ways of blogging, suggested that a blog isn't just about 'writing'. He then asked what other 'jobs' a blogger needs to be good at. I replied: “multitasking: typing with one hand, eating pizza with the other, and watching TV with at least one eye!” I welcome you to share your thoughts with me. Please!

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Tomatoes, Weiners, and Horses: Three Lessons

Over and over, the crow cries, uncover the cornfield.

- Cabinessense: Brian Wilson & Van Dyke Parks

Here are three lessons to be learned from stories in real life and the news.

Lesson #1: Rotten Tomatoes
I live in a big city, on a main street that leads to the 'centre' of town. There are currently 3 supermarkets within an eighth of a mile radius from my apartment. Yesterday, I went into the closest one, the one in which I usually prefer NOT to go to. It's small, the cashiers don't smile, and the store's inventory is more suited for senior citizens. Well yesterday, only because it's across the street from me, I popped in quickly because we were out of milk. When I was checking out, one of the usually sour-puss cashiers offered me a package of cherry tomatoes … for free!

I was impressed, to say the least. I said thanks and left. When I got home, I mentioned to my 'significant other' the amazing circumstance that had transpired. Now she likes cherry tomatoes and so I wanted to show her this wonderful bounty that had fallen to me. She also was surprised I had got them for free. I joked, “yeah, they're probably from Spain or Germany and teeming with that new strain of E. Coli”. I laughed. She laughed. Then I looked at the label; it read “product of Spain”.

Lesson to be learned: Never look a gift horse in the mouth, unless it has Mad Cow Disease, or has brought you produce from Germany or Spain.

Lesson #2: Sarah Palin Rides Again
Sarah Palin, gun nut and potential candidate for the President of the 'United Stated of Central America' was in the news again this week. In case you haven't heard, she mangled the story of Paul Revere and his ride to Lexington, Massachusetts, to warn Samuel Adams and John Hancock that British troops were marching to arrest them. Most first graders know the story. You like to assume that most presidential hopefuls do, too.

During a visit to Paul Revere's house she was asked about his famous ride. She replied with that 'deer caught in the headlight' meets Miss South Carolina meets 'we're not in Kansas anymore' look and then offered that Paul Revere “warned the British that they weren't going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.”

So Paul Revere warned the British, huh? He stood up to those Red Coats by ringing bells and firing warning shots telling them something like “you ain't gonna git my guns, you media lovin' liberals!”. I'm fairly certain if Sarah Palin's revisionist version of history was correct, the British would have shot him on the spot claiming 'What a silly sod'.

In a related episode, Wikipedia's page in Paul Revere was so inundated with Palin supporters trying to change history in her defense, it was locked. And, a day later or so, Sarah was asked on a TV talk show if she realized that she had screwed the pooch in her comments on Paul Revere? She attempted to re-revise her revisionist account, but also basically said the media was out to get her by cornering her with a “gotcha” question.

Lesson to be learned: When in doubt, some questions are better left unanswered, even if a 6-year old can answer them.

Lesson #3: Weinergate
Anthony David 'Weiner', U.S. Representative for New York's 9th congressional district, screwed his own pooch, and possibly his web-cam, by first denying and then admitting having sent sexually explicit photographs of himself to several women on Twitter. One of the photos, sent via yfrog, was of his erect sex-related 'namesake' bulging in his boxer shorts.

At first, he lied straight-faced to the media and blamed unspecified 'hackers' for the photo. I doubt he was referring to 'Lulz Security', the infamous hacker group that has been in the news lately for their raucous attacks on Sony, and whose logo is 'the Lulz Boat' (ala TV's Love Boat). I don't know, maybe he was thinking about his 'mast' and made the connection in his mind. Anyway, you can imagine that since the public leak, his Jim Beam must surely be flying at 'half mast'.

Lesson to be learned: If you're going to keep your family name 'Weiner', make sure your son's not a dick, or a politician.

Bonus Math Lesson:
And by the way, after reading lessons two and three above, I'm sure most anyone can understand who the rotten tomatoes from lesson one should be thrown at.
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PS. Thanks for reading! Do you think Anthony Weiner should give up his seat in the Senate, or is it probably a better idea for him to stay seated until the swelling goes down?

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