Whose Shoes Are These? (An Introspective Question)

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss


Hang on for a second ...

An easy question to ask concerns how often you find yourself having to justify yourself to others. A harder question, and one I might suggest may be much more important, is how often you find 'others' having to justify themselves to you?

I just want to say ...

Do everyday conversations you have with others feel like losing battles 'you must' win? Does social banter take on the sensation that it's taking place with a fast-taking salesman on a used car lot? When speaking with others, are you simultaneously carrying on a conversation with that 'inner voice' talking in your head? Indeed, it often feels like there are so many questions and so little time. And, by the time you are ready to make your point, the conversation has already ended.

Let me just tell you something ...

For many, such situations are a daily phenomenon that ultimately lead to yet another blow to their self-esteem. Each daily interaction with others becomes a psychometric test of their self-worth, more often than not surrendering the same feeling of futility they have grown accustom to. Rather than questioning the value and certainty of the world around them, they seem hell-bent on devaluing themselves.

No. You've got it backwards, so let me explain ...

When the 'shoe is on the foot' in our lives, we tend to notice because something just doesn't feel right. In times of mental anguish, we seem to be hard-wired with a bit of genetic coding that runs a self-diagnostic sub-routine that checks for 'broken code'. Depending on the individual and his or her self-perception, this process of introspection usually yields one of two results. In some, a resounding “I'm OK” conclusion explodes in their consciousness, and life goes on. In others however, a form of overload manifests causing a cascading chain of self-destructive implosions rendering the individual … stifled. This latter individual, flogging himself as he moves to the side of the road, eventually breaks down into a quivering mass of self-questioning defeatism.

Can I get a word in edgewise?

When it's time to play the 'blame game', one's passiveness turns aggressive. The desire to throw the heavy yoke from one's back is a halfhearted and bitter affair. Shades of the 'garbage in, garbage out' mantra' are heard. “I'm having a hard time of late digging myself out of a hole I've dug for myself some years ago. You want to know why? Because my hole is really at the bottom of a much larger hole that was dug for me by others long ago.”

If you could just wait, please ...

Meanwhile they keep digging under the delusion that the answer to all their problems lies at the end of the deep and dark shaft they have hurled themselves into. They valiantly hope to find that what's upside down in their lives, may in fact become right side up at the end of their struggle. So, they keep digging and banging their heads on the walls around them as they sink lower and lower into the abyss.

Let me interject ...

Yes, some people think that their problems are sort of like the Earth. If they dig down far enough eventually they will find that what's down is up. Of course, this is a poor analogy because way before they reach 'China' they will invariably fry themselves silly in our planet's molten core (13000°F). Yes, people like this tend to miss the big picture, and it's the 'little things' they miss that ultimately will be their undoing. Coincidentally, did you hear about the man who tried to walk around the world? He drowned.

Can I just finish, please?

Sometimes, being able to see the 'big picture' simply means viewing it from another angle, and yes it is generally true that there are many angles to all things in life. While we can't turn our heads completely around, we can at least 'turn the other cheek' especially in regard to ourselves. To be honest, even a 90 or 180 degree turn may be all that's needed to give ourselves a different spin on things. But first, we need to remove the blinders we have grown so comfortable wearing, especially if we want to catch the 'first ray of the new rising sun' in our lives.

Let's cut to the chase ...

Yes, the sun can shine out your ass, too. However, first you must learn to embrace and love yourself. Put an end to all the self-questioning and self-doubting you humiliate yourself with. Accept yourself for who you are and stop seeking justification from within, and especially from others. In fact, if you find others having to justify themselves to you, I'd argue that's probably a good thing. Indeed, the shoe IS on the other foot. Wear it proudly.

Suggested Reading:


Suggested Listening:

I Told You I Was Trouble: Amy Winehouse RIP (1983-2011)

I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I'm no good,
 - Amy Winehouse, 'I'm No Good'

 He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And there's no way, in this blue shape,
My tears dry on their own.

- Amy Winehouse, 'Tears Dry On Their Own'

What the hell's the matter with you?” is a question that's often been fired at me point blank in varying contexts, by an even more varied collection of people. Parents, sibling, employers, and colleagues have all hurled this inquisitive barb in my direction. My answer? Well, in general, I'd suggest that the question is moot.

To be honest, I think it's a strange question, because more often than not, it's a question that's asked through a veil of perception that gnaws away at the inquisitors' sensitivities... or expectations. In fact, I'd argue that it's not really even a question, but more of a statement of exasperation, spoken by a chafed few who have yet to fathom that there are just some things, situations or people that they can't control in life.

For better or worse, some people have self-destructive tendencies. Maybe the term 'self-destructive' is a bit overkill in relation to some, yet on the other hand, its an understatement in relation to others. Nevertheless, in our society's ever mangling penchant to label and pigeon hold everything, terms tend to have more function than brains.

Usually, when non-conformists fail to conform, as is their nature to do so, they tend to be embraced by some and vilified by others. Ok, so it goes without saying that we can't be loved by all people, all of the time. That's a given. Regardless of who you are are or what you stand for, some people will love you and some people will hate you... even on principle! For non-conformists, this seems true to the extreme.

Yet, there are those odd occasions, when some non-conformists actually succeed in breaking through into dizzying heights of mainstream popularity, much to the dismay of their detractors' bile. When this occurs, industries spring up around such new found 'celebrities' as everyone scrambles to jump on the grandstanding bandwagon to gain purchase, or stranglehold. But wait, it's gets stranger, as an eventual realignment of sentience takes place.

Our society has a bad habit of perverting 'the unique and different' in a profane attempt to remould them in its 'socially correct' or 'fashionably sensible' image. When that fails, then at some point it is inevitable that what goes up must come down... usually in spectacular flames. Indifference sets in as interests turn to seek out 'the next big thing' and the 'haters' are let out of the closet, and into the arena, to mercilessly pick, peck, poke and point fingers, in true vulture fashion. Ok, so I know that vultures don't actually point fingers, but well ... you know what I mean.

There are those who just enjoy stating the obvious. I don't. I've written before about defying the expectations of others and of engaging in self destructive career nullifying behavior. On that note, you can pout all you want, roll your eyes, and drop your jaws to express the best alveolar click (tsk) you can muster, but how do you really respond to the following:

 - "We're just on different wavelengths."
- "We live on different planes of existence."
- "We don't see eye to eye."
- "You just don't get me."
- "I don't need your approval."
- "I don't need your help."

Yes, some people don't want your help, advice, wisdom, or good intentions. Some people just want to be left alone to do 'their thing'.

Last night, I learned that Amy Winehouse shuffled off her mortal coil. She was a phenomenally talented singer and songwriter that bridged Jazz and Soul Music … and defied our expectations, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Yes, she was troubled, she told us so ... and her death, though still unexplained as of this writing, is a tragedy. To me, one's death is tragic when you don't see it coming; it's horrific when you do.

Nevertheless, the media, eyes wide shut, has already begun to cliche ad nauseum over her initiation into the '27 Club', her life defining hit song 'Rehab', and her vices to which have already been attributed to her death, even before any facts have been revealed. But hey, that's what sells the news, right? On the CNN website, the marketing suits couldn't wait more than a paragraph into her obituary before inserting an advert to promote an upcoming episode of Dr. Drew titled “How can someone so talented be so self destructive?” Its pathetic. It's profane.

Amy Winehouse was an artist that many things to many people in life... and will continue to be as such in death. I mourn her passing, the loss of her talent, her art and her potential. Of course, there's much to be said about how she lived her life, but it's really a moot point now. So I prefer to remember her for what she left us. And yes, it's true that but for her legacy of music, no one was saved ... but I would argue, that the lives of those who were touched by her music were truly enriched.

Amy, Amy, Amy – you'll be missed for all that was and all that could've been.

PS. Thanks for reading. This is just one of those mornings, I really wish I hadn't sworn off Baileys in my morning coffee. For this post there's no questions, because the obvious 'why' thunders loudly. Here are some videos of what we lost. If you choose to see only what you want to see, then at least close your eyes and listen. Your comments, as always, are welcome.

Suggested Listening:

Suggested Reading: