Whose Shoes Are These? (An Introspective Question)

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss


Hang on for a second ...

An easy question to ask concerns how often you find yourself having to justify yourself to others. A harder question, and one I might suggest may be much more important, is how often you find 'others' having to justify themselves to you?

I just want to say ...

Do everyday conversations you have with others feel like losing battles 'you must' win? Does social banter take on the sensation that it's taking place with a fast-taking salesman on a used car lot? When speaking with others, are you simultaneously carrying on a conversation with that 'inner voice' talking in your head? Indeed, it often feels like there are so many questions and so little time. And, by the time you are ready to make your point, the conversation has already ended.

Let me just tell you something ...

For many, such situations are a daily phenomenon that ultimately lead to yet another blow to their self-esteem. Each daily interaction with others becomes a psychometric test of their self-worth, more often than not surrendering the same feeling of futility they have grown accustom to. Rather than questioning the value and certainty of the world around them, they seem hell-bent on devaluing themselves.

No. You've got it backwards, so let me explain ...

When the 'shoe is on the foot' in our lives, we tend to notice because something just doesn't feel right. In times of mental anguish, we seem to be hard-wired with a bit of genetic coding that runs a self-diagnostic sub-routine that checks for 'broken code'. Depending on the individual and his or her self-perception, this process of introspection usually yields one of two results. In some, a resounding “I'm OK” conclusion explodes in their consciousness, and life goes on. In others however, a form of overload manifests causing a cascading chain of self-destructive implosions rendering the individual … stifled. This latter individual, flogging himself as he moves to the side of the road, eventually breaks down into a quivering mass of self-questioning defeatism.

Can I get a word in edgewise?

When it's time to play the 'blame game', one's passiveness turns aggressive. The desire to throw the heavy yoke from one's back is a halfhearted and bitter affair. Shades of the 'garbage in, garbage out' mantra' are heard. “I'm having a hard time of late digging myself out of a hole I've dug for myself some years ago. You want to know why? Because my hole is really at the bottom of a much larger hole that was dug for me by others long ago.”

If you could just wait, please ...

Meanwhile they keep digging under the delusion that the answer to all their problems lies at the end of the deep and dark shaft they have hurled themselves into. They valiantly hope to find that what's upside down in their lives, may in fact become right side up at the end of their struggle. So, they keep digging and banging their heads on the walls around them as they sink lower and lower into the abyss.

Let me interject ...

Yes, some people think that their problems are sort of like the Earth. If they dig down far enough eventually they will find that what's down is up. Of course, this is a poor analogy because way before they reach 'China' they will invariably fry themselves silly in our planet's molten core (13000°F). Yes, people like this tend to miss the big picture, and it's the 'little things' they miss that ultimately will be their undoing. Coincidentally, did you hear about the man who tried to walk around the world? He drowned.

Can I just finish, please?

Sometimes, being able to see the 'big picture' simply means viewing it from another angle, and yes it is generally true that there are many angles to all things in life. While we can't turn our heads completely around, we can at least 'turn the other cheek' especially in regard to ourselves. To be honest, even a 90 or 180 degree turn may be all that's needed to give ourselves a different spin on things. But first, we need to remove the blinders we have grown so comfortable wearing, especially if we want to catch the 'first ray of the new rising sun' in our lives.

Let's cut to the chase ...

Yes, the sun can shine out your ass, too. However, first you must learn to embrace and love yourself. Put an end to all the self-questioning and self-doubting you humiliate yourself with. Accept yourself for who you are and stop seeking justification from within, and especially from others. In fact, if you find others having to justify themselves to you, I'd argue that's probably a good thing. Indeed, the shoe IS on the other foot. Wear it proudly.

Suggested Reading:


Suggested Listening:

It's Me! Really! (and other notions of authenticity)

Hang on to your ego
Hang on, but I know that you're gonna lose the fight
- Brain Wilson

I've come to the conclusion that everyone 'needs help'. Of course, this last statement can be taken in a number ways. Be that as it may, my focus in this post ... the point I'd like to make ... the crux of the issue is that there are many people out there, and bloggers in particular, that are desperately trying very hard to be themselves, but just can't fake it.

That's right, I said 'fake it'. It seems a running topic on several blogs I've come across is 'authenticity' and its definition or application, assuming there is such a thing. I imagine this is a big issue because so much of our society's feeble mindedness stems from the media 'selling' us almost everything. As a consequence, consumers, assuming there really is such a thing anymore, have become naturally distrustful in an effort to mask thier gullability and penchant for 'rubber necking'.

For many, there is a war on. Some are trying very hard to simply be themselves, despite the fact that they are often met with quizzical faces or outright apathy. Then, there are others who yearn to evolve and embrace 'real' change in their lives. Telling the latter to 'just be yourself' may very well represent an affront to their sensitivities. The rest of combatants in this war, and most likely the clear majority, are those who are very busy lobbing advice telling everyone else what they should be, what they should think, how they should act, and of course, what they should buy. These purveyors of expectations often begin their assault with the words “I'll be honest with you...”, also implying that normally they would be less than ingenuous. Critical thinkers take note!

But I just want to be myself.....

So what is authenticity? Without waxing too poetic, I'd suggest that it is an attribute that can only exist in the eye of the beholder. It really has nothing to do with 'you being you'. So my advice is stop trying so hard. In fact, many would suggest if you have to try so hard at being something, you probably aren't in the first place. As I've said many times before concerning 'defying expectations', I think it's more important we get on with life than spend so much time worrying about 'what others think'.

Being 'you' should come naturally, if you don't engage in acts of self-censorship and self-repression, or cowtow to the whims and expectations of others. The words of Dr. Seuss still ring true, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Lastly, if and when you are met with bogus claims of your being two-faced, it would be wise to remember the words of Abraham Lincoln who respsonded “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”

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PS. Thanks for reading. Are you worried about who you are and how others perceives you ... or are you just really into yourself? Let me know by commenting below.


Blogs that inspired this post:

Brian Clark / Copyblogger: Why People Don’t Want the“Real” You
Todd Pillars: Why the talk about being Authentic all of a sudden?

Suggested Reading:

    


Suggested Listening:

Multidimensional Multitasking For Multifaceted Malcontents

"Write without pay until somebody offers to pay"
- Mark Twain

Preamble:

These days, I'm in the middle of a big project. Well, more specifically, it's several projects that are all interrelated. OK, actually I'll be honest, the the only thing these projects have in common is that they are blog related and part of my overall scheme to see some profit from blogging in a 'professional' and very focused manner. Sounds good except for one problem: my creativity does not afford my mind the luxury of being able to 'stay the course' and focus on one thing at a time.

Regardless of the above, a wise man, expert in the ways of blogging, told me to focus on 1 thing at a time. He suggested I give 100% of my effort and attention to one blog, as opposed to 20% of my energy to 5 different projects. Easily enough said, and of course in all my born years I’ve heard that many times over. In fact, you’d think that by now, I'd know better. Apparently not! Yet, I do believe I have 'just cause' for dismissing such well-intentioned advice. Let me explain:

Ramble:

I have an active mind. Sometimes too overactive for my own good! I get 'ideas' for topics to write about that don't just 'occur to me', they actually possess me to spill them out into the corporeal world. Some of these ideas are silly, others are rational, sane and professional oriented. On this blog for example, I like to mix psychology with surrealism, health and neurosis, current affairs with the absurd, humanism with chaos theory, and Woody Allen with Henry Miller. On another blog I have, I write as an EFL teacher trainer. I  dispense humanistic advice, tips and tricks for the personal and professional development of language teachers. On yet another blog, I offer blogging advice to would be bloggers, albeit with a fair amount of self-deprecating humor. On still another blog … well, let's just say, I'm not me.

These blogs, like the music I write, are all extensions of my creativity. And, being creative not only means allowing ones thoughts to dictate ones 'art' but also refraining from self-censorship and self-repression. Regardless of whether I have an idea for integrating cross-curricular teaching approaches with critical thinking skills (pregnant pause) or free associating Sarah Palin with Genghis Khan and a power-tool, I most certainly do take full poetic license in expressing myself and revel in exercising my freedom of speech. I consider that engaging in self-censorship and conforming my thoughts and expression to meet the expectations of others is pretty much nihilistic.

Bearing this mind, you can understand why I need various outlets for my creativity, ideas, notions, ramblings, rants, and so forth. There is a place for everything, even brain-fart musings. However, since I'm not only interested in speaking, but also being heard, and hopefully commented to, having several 'store fronts', if you will, also helps foster discussion. Having different channels of communication makes it easier for people to practice their freedom of choice in at least a semi-coherent fashion.

For example, if you want to read about developing 'second language reading skills' at proficiency level, I doubt you'd also be interested in Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) or pseudo-intellectual babble about 'Dr. Boudreaux Butt-Paste'. You would prefer a steady stream of targeted programming. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this is why we, as a society, created cable-television; 'Battlestar Galactica' and 'Dancing With The Stars' just don't work back to back. Know what I mean? I think you do.

Off-Road Digressive Rambling:

That being said, there is always the danger of going to extremes. In this respect, I'm not sure why so many are hell-bent on pigeon-holding everything and everyone they come into contact with. It's almost as if there's a certain insecurity many possess due to their not having control over all they experience in life.

One possible consequence of this is our society's systems of education. Today, possibly for nefarious commercial reasons, we preach to children that specialists are more valued than well-rounded individuals. Students desiring to major in 'Liberal Arts' are branded 'under-achievers' or 'artsy fartsy wooly types'. Psychology majors must be able to fit very neatly into one of the thousands of splinter disciplines for licensing purposes. Mental health counselors must not practice family counseling, etc. It's no wonder I know several people with doctorate degrees who work at Starbucks and Pizza Hut!

As a person, I'm multitalented and multiskilled. And, I am so because I have many different interests and have pursued those interests. I'm certainly not a one dimensional person. I doubt that many people are. And, as such there is no reason to assume that that my writing or writing/creative projects would not be multidimensional, as well.

Moreover, in my working experience, I've yet to find one talent or skill set that I possess that I've really been able to make a 'go' of and to enable me to bring home some significant 'bacon'. Over the years, I've kept my 'head above the water' to some extent (translation: barely) by being able to apply my different skills and talents to a variety of occupations, projects, opportunities, etc. For better or worse, that's the way it's been. It's not what I planned on, but it is what it is.

Epilogue (Post Ramble):

Having written all of the above, I must confess I have a certain melancholy feeling. Tripping your way through life is hard enough without others stepping on your toes and commenting in kind. While on one hand I'm happy with who I am, but on the other hand I am unhappy with my life's circumstances. I'm left to wonder who I am, where I came from, and most importantly where I might be going. Actually, it sounds like the status qou of just another ordinary day in the life of (fill-in the blank here). Crap! Now I'm thoroughly depressed. Anyone know any good Sarah Palin jokes, you know, just for the 'lulz'?

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PS: Thanks for reading! By the way, another man, also wise in the ways of blogging, suggested that a blog isn't just about 'writing'. He then asked what other 'jobs' a blogger needs to be good at. I replied: “multitasking: typing with one hand, eating pizza with the other, and watching TV with at least one eye!” I welcome you to share your thoughts with me. Please!

Suggested Listening:

  

Suggested Reading: